My Funny Quarantine

It’s been funny to be

So thankful to see

Eggs on a shelf

And a palpable shift

As we all nod our heads knowingly

All though it may be

From six feet away

Just to be safe

No offense taken

Because it’s a human thing

And we all get it

If not, we’ll all get it

But I hope what really spreads

Is a look at 

How we’ve been bred

Taught to knock heads

Just trying to get ahead

But now, instead…

May we break bread

See we’re all a piece of the thread

In this blanket of universe

That we can fill with

whatever we choose!

We all got the blues

Done with tyrants and coups

Hissing and boos

Can’t win for losing

Til…

A shift of wind for the win

Reset button - begin

Two weeks to rethink and rescind 

All the harm, all the sins

Recognize one another as kin

And sit around years from now 

Talking about what might have been

Recalling the days 

Where we ran for the money

But how we came together

when the waters got muddy

And cleared the air

Wasn’t that funny? 

That time,

My funny quarantine

Praise the Board

I turned down the volume, so as to not let Paul Simon’s Graceland overshadow the rant I was about to unleash on my co-pilot, Sean, who was dozing peacefully in the passenger seat. I began with a low grumble, akin to a radiator warming up, my pipes releasing the rusted groan of, “You gotta be kidding me. I cannot believe how bad these are. Who wrote this?”

We were about 20 miles outside of Lafayette, Louisiana and I was referring to, yet another, gigantic billboard with vague proclamations about God. Just some random, one-liners. Catchy numbers like, “Jesus Is Real” or, “Without a doubt, There is a God”, paired with the picture of a newborn.

I was getting really miffed at this point. Not about the “in-your-face-I-know-best-not telling-you twice-heathen-pagan-if-you-don’t-believe-that-I-know-all-because-God-saves”, but the complete lack of creativity on their part. Pffft. More like bill-bored. Amiright?

“Couldn’t they find ONE creative person in the congregation?” I blurted out, my exasperation finally rousing Sean, and landing us right back to where our conversation had left off after the last Yesus yawnfest, somewhere deep in the heart of Texas (at times, it seemed like we were never gonna get out of Texas). Since we’d left Arizona, we’d encountered around twenty plus, roadside advertisements for The Lord.

“I mean, put a little effort into it!” Sean shouted, now wide-awake (or should I say woke), waving his arms towards what could only be considered a blight-board on the otherwise picturesque landscape. And that's when this little radiator blew her gasket, in the way in which only a week long road trip can break you with its mutated strain of road rage,cabin fever, traffic jam, hotel hopping delirium.

“Who is that sign going to attract?! Where’s the draw? The enticement? I could do better than that! I will do better than that!”

So, it was in this frenzied state in which I swore that instead of becoming yet another notch on America’s Bible Belt, I would now be MRS (Making Religious Signs) for “The Big Mister”. And maybe jazz things up a bit with a little something, I like to call:

Lord Boards (Billboards for The Lord)

1. Jesus puts the US in God.
2. The only ties that bind are baptize.
3. Tired and feeling shotty? Come and eat of my body.
4. Join our flock. We are animals of pray.
5. It’s your first time around, but there’s a Second Coming.
6. Feeling bored? Praise the Lord!
7. Life stinks? Sit in a pew.
8. No muss. No fuss. Jesus!

Amen! Hallelujah! God Bless America! And Praise the Board!